I was working the day watch near Domestic Animals at the Kansas City Zoological Park when I noticed a disturbance involving a young female, her male companion and their toddler. Visitors were pointing at them and giving them a wide berth. I approached with caution and noticed that the female was wearing a large, patterned scarf around her neck. Furthermore, this large, patterned scarf appeared to be moving. Upon closer inspection I determined that the large, patterned scarf was in actuality a live Ball Python, or Python regius of the Pythonidae family. These snakes have become quite popular as pets. Unfortunately, too many people have reptiles in their homes but don’t know how to give them proper care.

"Whoa!" I said to myself. "This looks like a 789 in progress" (an unauthorized animal on zoo property). I immediately radioed headquarters, notified security, and requested backup. The security officer asked that I keep my eye on the "perps" until he could get there. While waiting for help to arrive, I tried to keep the suspect and her accomplices under surveillance. This proved to be difficult because too many civilians accosted me with such silly questions as: Where is the bathroom? Where do I rent strollers? Where do I catch the tram? What is the meaning of life? These frequent interruptions caused me to lose track of the suspects, and by the time a security officer had arrived they were nowhere in sight.

We decided to conduct a separate search. I gave the security officer a description of the prime suspect. "Look for a young, adult female with a python draped around her neck, accompanied by a young, adult male and a dangerous looking toddler." I proceeded to the Cat Walk where I thought they might be holed up. I covered the entire area and looked behind every cage without seeing them. I was sure they had slipped through the dragnet. I was about to call off the search when suddenly I spotted them heading down the trail toward the Woodlands Aviary in Australia. I had evidently blown my cover, because the snake was no longer in sight. I guess my sun helmet with the KC Zoo patch on it, my KC Zoo name badge, and the KC Zoo insignia on my shirt had given me away. As I boldly moved in for a closer look, however, I noticed a yellow cloth bag tied to the belt of the female. Furthermore, it was moving. "Whoa!" I said to myself once again. "I'll bet the snake is in the bag." I radioed for additional backup, and this time I was met by two undercover agents disguised as animal keepers. I pointed out the suspects, who were quickly apprehended and escorted out of the zoo without further incident. They received a stern lecture and were advised to leave their pets at home when they visit the zoo in the future. Animals at the zoo have absolutely no interest in visiting with distant relatives, and resent the intrusion.

Fellow Zoo Docents are advised to carry a radio, stay alert, and uh ...

"Let's be careful out there!"