Once upon a midnight dreary,
While I lounged weak and weary,
All of a sudden there arose such a clatter
That I ran to the window to see what was the matter.

This sound was like nothing that I’d ever heard.
It’s a plane, it’s a train, no wait . . . it’s a bird.
Well, whatever it was in the darkness below,
It started in low, then it started to grow.

Oh, then I could see
By the dawn’s early light
My dog losing its lunch -
Not a beautiful sight!

With a nick-nack patty-wack I raced to his side.
"Man’s only friend," laughed my cat. Then he lied:
"Don’t blame me, I didn’t do it."
There was something rotten in Denmark, I knew it!

They say candy is dandy
And liquor is quicker,
So I tried them on Rover
But he kept getting sicker.

Then my Pappy said, "Son, that noise’ll drive me to drinkin’."
So we fled to the vet in my Hot Rod Lincoln.
I said, "Hold on Rover, I’ve got a license to fly."
Naturally, I took the roads less traveled by.

But it was too late Baby, now it was too late,
Though we really did try to make it.
The vet was closed.
Alas, Rover was hosed.

So give me a place where the buffalo roam.
Be it ever so humble, there’s no place like home.
Yes, there’s no place like home now that Rover is dead.
Quoth my big grinning cat, "Feed my head!"